Notes on "Seeing Red" and "Final Countdown Parts 1 & 2"

I am very well aware that no one can present two sides of an argument equally. I have my bias, he has his. This is my blog and thus my views. I have tried to recount events as impartially as possible. However, I have little to no insight as to what he is thinking when he says things, thus I am stuck with his words that I re-created here.

I don't want to bash the BF, I can see his points on many issues and he has been a rock in my life for the past decade, motivating me when I couldn't do it alone. I just don't agree with many of his views and a relationship needs compromise on both sides.

I have made MAJOR changes in my life recently. I have taken charge of my health, for which I have gotten NO support from him. He said that the 4 lbs that I lost could be a big poo that I had done before going to the dieticians appointment. Yeah, he's a real charmer when he's ready.

He may have been the one to compromise in the past with our lack of sex drive, but I need even more from him now and he may not be willing/able to give it to me. 

I may have thought that changing my Birth Control would be a magic wand and things would be great from then on. Things obviously didn't work out that way. 

I am doing alot of soul searching and wondering if I have already given up on this relationship and am just going through the motions.

I am scared of being alone. I am scared about what is to come, if I do end this relationship. I am even more scared that I will go on and pressure him to marry me, (he will NEVER suggest it himself) have kids and then divorce when he doesn't support me.

I don't want to go down that road, but like the magic 8 ball says, "Cannot predict now".