Done??

**CAUTION, THIS POST MENTIONS MY SEX LIFE**

After the last confrontation with the BF, I was so furious that I grabbed the pak choi that I had savaged (*gasp*) and went by my close friends again.

When I told them the story, they were aghast, telling me that the fight was not about the pak choi and not about me. It had everything to do with him and what is going on in his head.

I came home and was very short with him that night and the next morning. Finally at about 10am Friday13th, he said, "I didn't push anything last night when you came home and I didn't push anything this morning, but what is your story?"

I said, what happened yesterday is my story, I think you were being completely unreasonable. 

He shot back with, well you were being thoughtless  and selfish like always.

I replied, well if that is what you think of me, then I think it is time to done.

We went back and forth for some time, with me trying to pull out the real reason for his behaving the way that he did and repeatedly telling him that if he really thinks that I am that selfish/thoughtless/lazy that he should pack up his shit and go. He kept his three year old routine up and kept telling me that "if you really want me to go I will go, but be very sure that is what you want, cause you have no guaruntee that I am coming back." I must have told him to go about 5 times, each time he stalled and continued talking, so I didn't push further, I was getting a dialog going, which was what I wanted. It pissed me off that I had to threaten to put him out to get him to talk, but it was better than sitting there stewing. He repeatedly asked me to come and help him pack his clothes because he didn't want to take one shirt that was mine as he has a strong sense of property and that's why he reacted the way that he did when I said that I had made the wontons. I said no, you behaved like a two year old, tossing something away because someone told you that it was theirs.

He finally decided to tell me that he needs to see me making an effort to be more thoughfull in my daily life and also in our sex life. He had me define what intimacy meant to me and then told me that because I think that foreplay for me is kissing/playing with my boobs/blowing me etc and foreplay for him is me blowing him that I was selfish in bed as well. I was just plain floored, I could not believe what I was hearing, but we were getting it all out in the open and I wanted to continue.

I asked him, look I am not around you for most of my day, how will you know that I am being thoughtfull during the day? He says, oh it will carry over into the little things. I said, but how will you see that, am I to offer you a drink when you come home more often or something ? Give me a concrete real world example that I can tell you about and you will be satisfied. He then rattles off that while I am driving I need to focus on not getting on stink. I said ok, I can try that, What else ? He again repeats, you need to be more thoughtfull.

I allowed how pissed off I was to show and got a little teary. I said, "Babe, I am not going to do things to be thoughtfull and report back to you, that's not why I am doing them." I said, "Look at our friends, they aren't doing so well right now, so most of the time when I go by them, I carry a bag of hops and eats and leave it there, but I don't do it for approval, so I am not going to say a word to you." He says, right, anything else ? Meaning do I do anything else to be thoughtfull on a day to day basis.

I was short with him again and shot back "No."

I wonder if he ever thinks to do something like that in his day to day life ? Why is it that I have to meet his standards ?

At this stage it was midday and he had to leave for work.

I went by my parents and told them about what had transpired. My dad did not want to influence which way I was leaning. He just said that in his opinion, the BF is very controlling and I need to decide if I can live with someone like that for the rest of my life. I said , "No way, I am ready to pelt him out on his ass right now."

He was very concerned that I was making a decision in the heat of the moment, but after I unloaded on him and mum for hours, he saw what I have been dealing with and the mind games that have been going on. His advice was to tell the BF that we are going to couples councelling or pack his bags. I agreed with that. They also agreed that it was his issues that were coming up, not mine.

I came home Friday evening to the BF behaving totally normally, like we hadn't had a conversation about anything earlier in the day. So I behaved totally normal as well. I even messaged my parents, telling them that I was totally baffled at how we could have a heated discussion before he left, and then he's behaving like nothing happened when he comes home? They both told me that it was his mind games again. I told him that I was going into bed just before midnight. He came inside the bedroom at midnight and told me to look under my pillow, where I found a Valentines day card. 

It says, "Happy Valentines, you've still got it" handwritten below was," And I still want it."

Wait, What ? After everything that was discussed this morning ?? After I told you to pack your shit and go repeatedly ???

I thanked him and told him Happy Valentines while he gently ragged on me for not getting a card. Getting a card for him was the least of my concerns, does he think that if he pretends hard enough that I will foget telling him to pack his shit and go because I am so fed up ? 

I rolled over and went to sleep. I was woken up by him about an hour ago kissing my cheek and trying to start foreplay. I was floored. I ended up just looking at him. Of course he stopped. 

After you told me to my face that you weren't interested in being intimate with me unless I SHOWED you that I was being more thoughtfull in my day to day life as well as in bed ?

I have already realised that your standards are so fucking arbitrary that I will never be "good enough" for you....Are you FOR REAL ? Do you honestly think that I am in any way interested in you right now ?

Or did you just expect me to drink more of your Kool-Aid and respond to your advances ? I think you did, and that bothers me so much that here I am writing this down at 5am, (now 6am) before I forget a detail, or how you made me feel like I should be gratefull to you for throwing me a bone.