When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' - Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)

You've never lived until your Boss screams at you, "What's WRONG with YOU !!" 

Seriously.

It's part of my job to collect maintainence dues for the developments that I run. Things have been tight recently. Lots of major expenses and income slowed to a bare trickle. This week, the account dipped into the red. 

I've been trying to collect dues from members of my Board of Directors and regular owners for the last month. I start slow, just calling them up and letting them know that they are outstanding. I ask them if they want me to mail or e-mail copies of their invoices. Most of them say yes. 

I let a few days pass by and call up again and say,

"Just checking to make sure that you received those invoices?

-"Oh, you did ? Great, when can I expect a cheque?"

A few days later I rinse and repeat. I sometimes end up talking to secrataries or owners and sending out more copies of invoices ten or so times before I actually get a cheque in hand. Debt collections is not easy.

This particular Chairman of the Board had promised me a Large Cheque at the end of October. I went ahead and paid bills based on the expectation that I would receive that money at that time. That obviously did not happen. So, I escalated, calling him every other day and leaving messages to the tune of, "Hello Mr. X, this is Z from Company Y, just calling to remind you about your outstanding invoices. Please give me a call at XXX-XXXX."

So, I got a text message on Monday from him, letting me know that he was away and would be dealing with the invoices when he came back.

Ok, no problem.

So I am making calls to other outstanding owners today and come across his name again. Think to myself.."Hmmm, I wonder if he is back yet ?"

So I call his office. I talk to his assistant who assures me that, "Why yes, Mr. X is in the country." ( In a tone of voice to the effect of What is she smoking?)

More on this in a bit...

So I rinse and repeat yet again. Call up his cell and leave another message. "Hello, this is X calling from Blah blah blah". I hang up and move on to the next outstanding amount.

Two minutes later, my phone rings. I have caller ID and so I see that Mr. X is calling me back, cool, I reeeaaaallly need that money.

"Hello Mr. X I see you got my message."

"DID YOU NOT GET MY TEXT ON MONDAY ?"

"Well, yes I did-"

"Well then WHY are you calling me? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU??!!"

"The bank account - "

"WHY AREN'T YOU CALLING MR. Y, HE'S NEVER PAID"

"I am calling all of my outstanding Board Mem-"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THEN??!!!"

"Mr. X, I spoke to you about your outstanding-"

"I Told You I Would Deal With This When I Came Back Into The Country."

*He Hangs up Phone*

*I burst into tears of rage and frustration*

So yeah, my Chairman,  who I thought was a reasonably decent guy who I haven't had a single problem with in the last two years I have been working with him, Boldfaced LIED to me.

Out of the County My ASS.  No Wonder his damn secratary sounded like I was totally crazy when I asked her if Mr. X was back. I doubt he ever fucking LEFT.

I really need a raise if I have to deal with this Bullshit.

Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant - it tends to get worse. Molly Ivins

Soooo, I've had an issue rolling around the back of my head for the last week. 

I think I'm pregnant.

I haven't tested yet, but I am as sure as anyone can be.  Today was the latest that I have every gotten my period, so it was still academic before this morning.

I can't decide how to feel about this. It was certainly unplanned and I am not very happy about it. 

I have told the BF about the fact that my period is late. This is only because he came home unexpectedly today and found me in the middle of hysterics. Not the best way to tell him that he may/may not be a daddy.

I found myself asking what else life could throw at me this year. It's been a hell of a ride, and it still isn't over.

Edited to say:Just found out I'm not pregnant.

Steven Wright - “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”

Various things have come together in my life to make this year a particular challenge. 

We have had random major expenses throughout this year, from both of our cars breaking down, to the BF being hospitalized to my food budget tripling. My dominant emotion this year has been worried, this has caused a ripple effect throughout all facets of my life.

My relationship with my mother suffered. I often describe my mother as a hypochondriac with a chronic disease. What I mean by this is that she does have a disease, but she uses it as a crutch to get attention. If you read through her 4 inch thick medical file, you will find more than a few recommendations for psychiatric evaluation because of this. I don't think that anyone else in my family (even my father) knows this besides the BF and myself. Everyone else gives her the attention she craves and I get described as "cold". When I am under stress I simply cannot deal with her drama, especially since she engages in behaviour that would be described as "self harming". Getting calls at 2am because she thinks shes having a heart attack after yet another drug reaction has seriously undermined my abilty to give a shit.

We started out the year stuck in my parents house with my mother, as we had rented out our apartment and she was supposed to be living abroad with my father for another 2 months. I eventally had to ask our tenant to leave early because tensions between my mother and the BF had gotten to toxic levels. We didn't leave soon enough and my mother ended up picking a fight with the BF that at that stage he was only too happy to finish. Of course this ended in my mother in hysterics and telling me that he wasn't good enough for me. I ended up sitting her down and telling her to act like an adult. She didn't speak to me for quite some time after that.

The Bf and I have had the most serious problems in our relationship this year. There were a few times this year when I was making a minute by minute choice if to stay or go. I don't know if it was the same with him, but I suspect it was. 

I don't know which came first, the problems, or the depression, but I have found myself wrestling with mild depression again, for the first time in a decade. I remember these feelings, these toxic thoughts. I was never bad enough to be medicated, but it is a constant fight. I find myself obsessing over my mental health (Am I slow today because I didn't sleep well? Am I sad because of that story I read, or is this abnormal ?) and pushing everything else to the side, which means that the depression wins. My jobs, my love life, everything suffers. I haven't discussed my depression with the BF at all. I don't want him to compare (even in his head) the paralells between my mother and myself. That would just break my heart.

I know that the depression has been able to gain a foothold because my self-esteem and self image has been dealt a blow. I quit smoking two months ago and have packed another 20 lbs onto an already obese frame. I can no longer pretend that I am anything other than disgustingly fat. And yet, I can't stop shoving crap in my mouth constantly. To say that I have an "addictive personality" is a joke. I am the definition of addictive personality, I've just traded ciggarettes for a wildly innappropraite diet. 

Still, there is light at the end of this particular tunnel. I am gradually applying what little control I do have onto myself. I am slooooowly learning to cook, instead of buying take out every damn day. I have cut my coca-cola drinking to 20 oz a day instead of the 2 litres I was up to.

Baby steps, but damn it, that's about all that I am capable of right now.

George Bernard Shaw - “To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist.”

I managed to (eventually) find my composure after my semi-hysterical post yesterday. Only to lose it again today, when the filling fell out. Yes, the same filling. So here's what's going to happen. I am going to do whatever it takes to last until my dentist comes back on the 22nd of October. Wish me luck.

Cause I really need some dental love.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

I have a wonderful dentist.

He is gentle, personable and always looks out for my comfort. Little things, like bringing the chair back up when he is talking to me, so that I am not blinded by that bright light. 

Why this love-fest for my dentist ?

Cause he went on holiday, I developed toothache and was referred by his office to the DENTIST FROM HELLLLLLLLL.

I swear to god, I have never felt so small as when I was in this mans chair. I think a piece of meat would have been treated better. His manner was so arrogant and uncaring.

I shit you not, I am BLEEDING.

How the hell does a filling turn into me bleeding from the corner of my mouth and the filling site ?

It hurts worse now than when I had the damn toothache that prompted me to go to the dentist.

Edit: It's four hours later and I have just had to break out the good stuff..... i luuuv Panadeine Forte so muuuuch.