Me.

I've had the most amazing year. I still have moments of painfull self-examination, but these are about the person I am now, not the person that I shed around this time last year. I am mentally and physically healthier than I have ever been in my life. I even have a very interested and interesting young man pursuing me. It is about obviously more than an imploding relationship, but this poem on the Ambulance Driver blog perfectly encapsulates my experience:

Invictus, by William Ernest Henley:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Mea Culpa

I am a Very Bad, No Good Blogger.

I'm still alive and very, verrrrrrry Busy.

Between Hashing, Karate and everything else, I just drop when I reach home. The last thing I want to do is struggle to write something meaningful and witty.

I'm fine and quite happy, see yall round when I have more time on my hands.

Happy New Year!

No I'm not dead, I just got slammed with work related stuff for the past few weeks.

Work sucks hairy monkey balls and I need a new job.

Fatgirl out.

Cause I Care!

When THE most Epic Christmas rant in the History of, well...HISTORY is written.

I will cheer and start sharing out the alcohol (while encouraging everyone to get shitfaced.)

Merry Freakin Christmas Bitches.

*Eyetwitch*

The Overcaller called me this evening at 9:30pm.

I have no idea WHY I answered the goddammed phone.

We've changed our guard schedule in the last week. The Psycho-Bitch wanted to know exactly how much we are paying the guards. Welll since they are paid every 2 weeks and that means I haven't done payroll as yet, I don't have a very good idea how much they are being paid exactly.
Also, since you are calling me at 9:30 in the fucking NIGHT, I don't have the schedule infront of me so that I can work it out.

The Overcaller went nuts, and not a funny nuts. She used this as an excuse to shit on me from a height and tell me that I am incompetent. REPEATEDLY.

If she was infront of me I would have gone at her. I was literally shaking with adrenaline, especially when she told me, "Well I hope you know how much YOU are getting paid."

Why yes, I know how much I get paid. I am paid by the month and not by the hour, so it's pretty easy to work out.

I was damn near in tears of frustration by the end of the conversation. I then called my parents to tell them that I was DUN. Done with dealing with this Creature.

In my venting I said "I don't care if I have to move back in with yall, I am not taking this shit anymore."

Well Dad then said, "I don't know if you realise it, but you're making a very good salary and it's just one woman out of how many."

Yeah Dad, but she more than makes up for the kind words everyone else has for me. It's really hard to remember the compliments when Pscho-Bitch is screaming in my ear about how she finds it so very funny that I'm the "Manager" and I "just have nooo clue how much we are spending on salaries."

I mean God I know I'm an adult and I have to be responsible and all, but I've been with this job for 4 1/2 years now, it's not like I am ditching it after a month cause it's too hard or something.

The Psycho isn't going to go away and either her or her husband WILL be on the Board within the next few months.

I think that's enough abuse for anyone.

Edited to say:

I checked my e-mail last night and realized that she, her husband and the other residents who were in that "meeting" had all been e-mailed the schedule since last week. They had the information and thus had no need to call me.

Her husband called me this morning at 7:48 asking me for the information. I gave it to them. I was then informed that they want to hire back a guard who had quit without notice. I was to come to a meeting this afternoon at 2pm in order to offer him a "package" to get him back.

Thanks ever so much, you're now going to make me hire someone who had walked off for more money than my other crew are getting ? My crew stuck with me, agreed to take a cut in pay, and have communicated their concerns with me. I have been working with them to resole their issues. I don't care how good you think this guy is, I have much more respect for the guys who continued working.

Bless you Anbesol

A big shout out to my parents who between them have managed to breed the weakest teeth in the world, all of which reside in my mouth.

My dentist is going to have a cushy retirement on the amount of money I spend just avoiding pain every few months.

This month is going to be a triple whammy.

-I've already had to go and replace 3/4 of a tooth that disintegrated while eating a hops and ham ($610).

-I have another appointment on the 15th to replace half of another tooth (probably another $400).

Aaaaaand for the bonus round, I'm currently brewing up a lovely gum infection around one of my molars, which WILL require;

- X-ray ($150) to determine that it isn't a cracked root

- and then blessed antibiotics ($250).

Not being in pain = Fucking Priceless.

Pass the Anbesol, I'm gonna go cry in the corner until it takes effect.

To my new Neighbour..

you obviously have never lived in an apartment. This is evident by your loud conversations. Your window is a maximum of 6 feet away from mine. I can hear everything. I really didn't need to know about your "issues" with your outside woman.

That is all.

Sorrel - Part 2

Based on various recipes and incantations, I left the sorrel to steep overnight in the (covered ) pressure cooker after boiling the heck out of it.

This might have been a mistake.

When I finally cracked the lid this morning, instead of being lightly scented with spice, near visible waves of cinnamon with only a hint of sorrel rolled through my kitchen.
I'm not really a fan of cinnamon, so this is quite disconcerting for someone with gallons of cinnamonnnyyy goodness now in residence.

In addition to this Faux Pas, I had intended to use the Glycemic friendly sugar substitute Splenda to sweeten said potion.

This made it taste like a plastic christmas candle.( A plastic christmas candle manufactured in a place where the foreman, who we will call Bob,( but could easily be 鲍步) gestures to the 50 gallon drums behind him, all conspicuously marked with "Artifical Cinnamon Scent" and "Contains .5% Actual Cinnamon!!!" and tells Fred/弗雷德里克 ( the long suffering factory worker) "It's as Good as the Real Thing, maybe even Better!!", to which Fred rolls his eyes and privately thanks his lucky stars that this shit is for Export Only as the Christmas purists round his parts would hang him from the ankles and beat him with poinsettia garlands if they dared sell it here.)

The sorrel was swiftly rescued by the addition of approx. 2 lbs of sugar.

So went the first ever brewing of sorrel in Casa de Fat Girl.

I am having a cigarette.

Christmas Coming!!!

Ohhh SHiiiiiiiiT !!!

I decided to start taking Metformin again as part of my ongoing effort to get my PCOS under control and lose some more weight.

Did I do as the directions on the box stated and start with a half tab once a day and then gradually up the dose ?

No, I didn't.

Epic Fail on my part.

The rumblings from my gut are approaching Jet Engine decibel levels.

Pray for me!

Muppets + Bohemian Rhapsody = SQUEEEEEeee

Frustration

I love my jobs, except when I don't.

This is another of the don't times.

A whole host of issues affects one of my jobs. It starts with a disorganized, apathetic board, continues on into the land of "I have a $4M house, but I can't afford a $1,500 monthly maint. fee" and lands sqaurely in my lap.

I have tried to bring these things to the attention of my board for the last few years. These are NOT new problems, these are issues that I have been slogging in the trenches with the ENTIRE time I have been at this job.

I try to give a flying fuck, I really do, but when You. Yes, You, the Board Member who occasionally gets a bug up his ass and tries to fix everything overnight, wants to call an "Emergency Meeting" this Saturday afternoon at 1pm (thus fucking up my plans to go Hashing)....

Well lets just say some creative cursing of your ancestors took place.

I am getting to the point where I am going to start looking for a new position.

Here's a Big Fat Hint

I'm a property manager. I'm the person who gets called when there is a problem. I enjoy what I do.

Mostly.

One individual has caused me more grief than all the others combined and multiplied X100. I have new rules for her, here they are;


- If you consistently call me after 4pm with NON-EMERGENCY complaints.

-If you are verbally abusive to me and say things like "You don't care about (us) because you don't live here" when you call me after 4pm every god-dammed day.

Then here's what happens in My World;

- You will leave a fucking message.

- I will check the message and decide based on the contents of the message, what my course of action will be.

- If you leave a message that says "Call me back OMG !111!!!" you will not be getting a call back this evening as you have not outlined an EMERGENCY.

-These rules apply to you and you alone. They do not apply to your husband or any of the other residents. This is because they have demonstrated good phone etiquette, which you have consistently failed to do.

That is all.

Fat Girl Out.

In honour of the Virii currently kicking my ass...

I LOL'D

Geek Logic

Bless XKCD for saying exactly what geeks worldwide already know..

Monty Python Strikes Again!!

I fell in love with Monty Python back when "Are you Being Served" and "Fawlty Towers" was on TV. Here's Eric Idle doing what he does best!!

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Yet ANOTHER Awesome Wedding Entrance!

I don't know why I keep finding these awesome wedding entrance videos, but here's another one that encapsulates what I think a bride should feel like on her big day.

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!

Six months ago, I was rushing around trying to buy a birthday card for my father. I was browsing around the card store when I saw this tiny little print of a painting. I had to look at it for a few seconds to figure out what had caught my eye. There, in amongst the stalks of plants in the print, was this little Red Snake.
I fell in love with it and bought it on the spot, even though it was expensive for a print.
Three months ago, I looked up the artist and found out that he lives and works in Trinidad and that he has a web-site.
Browsing around his site, I saw the painting "Red Snake" was listed as "available".
I instantly shot off an e-mail to the artist, Wulf Gerstenmaier. He wrote back immediately and told me that, unfortunately, the painting had been sold.
I wasn't surprised, but thanked him for his reply.

Last week, I got another e-mail from Mr. Gerstenmaier, letting me know that the painting had been mistakenly listed as sold and was I still interested ?

After jumping up and down for a few seconds, I shot off an e-mail;

Dear Mr. Gerstenmaier,


YES ! I am very interested, how much is it ?

He wrote back the next day letting me know the dimensions, and the fact that the painting is for sale for *DUN* *DUN* *DUN* Six Thousand Dollars!!

*Gulp*

I thought about it for a few days. There is no way that I can afford to buy the painting outright. Will he be offended if I ask to pay on terms ??

I finally bit the bullet and called him. After gushing about the painting for a few sentences and apologizing about taking so long to call him back. I asked him.

And he said, "No Problem, you come see it. I will keep it until you've paid it off".

Soo, this little beauty will eventually be MINE.

MUAHHAHAHAAH!!!

Are you Fucking Kidding Me ?? - The Facebook Song

Pure AWESOME!!